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Pregnancy Sex Questions and Answers

Pregnancy sex is full of challenges. How can you get your groove on with a big belly in the way? How can you feel like a babe when you’ve got a bun in the oven? And how are you supposed to figure out what’s safe in bed and what’s not? We’ve got answers to some of your most perplexing questions

Q. So many women say they feel sexier pregnant, but I just feel fat and tired. I’m only two months along, and sex is the last thing on my mind.
A. It’s not just you — this is totally common! During the first trimester, your body is hard at work, which means you may feel exhausted, nauseous, and overwhelmed — no wonder you’re not in the mood. “Once you hit your second trimester, the nausea lifts and estrogen kicks in, which jump-starts your sex drive,” says Lou Paget, author of Hot Mamas: The Ultimate Guide to Staying Sexy Throughout Your Pregnancy and the Months Beyond. She advises that even if you’re not up for intercourse, you can easily stay connected with your spouse by cuddling and kissing.

Q. Could my husband’s penis do any harm to the baby?
A. A lot of men worry about this, but the answer is no. His penis won’t traumatize the baby or cause your water to break. If you notice any bleeding after sex, talk to your physician — increased blood supply in your cervix and amped-up circulation to the vaginal area during pregnancy can sometimes cause spotting. Call your doctor to rule out more serious causes of bleeding, such as placenta previa, placental abruption, or premature labor.

Q. Are there any times when I should avoid sex?
A. If you’re having a low-risk pregnancy with no complications, you can have sex up until the day you deliver, says Sarah de la Torre, MD, an ob-gyn in Seattle. But there may be circumstances when you have to avoid intercourse. For instance, if you have placenta previa or a risk of preterm labor, you’ll most likely be put on pelvic rest, which means no intercourse, orgasms, heavy exercise, or lifting. Even if you’re having a normal pregnancy, you may just not be in the mood. If the extra weight on your belly is making intercourse uncomfortable, experiment with new positions or try other forms of stimulation instead. If you still don’t feel like having sex, tell your husband you’re just not up for it — he should understand.

Q. Is it okay for my husband to perform oral sex on me?
A. It’s fine if you’re having a low-risk pregnancy. In fact, many women find that oral stimulation is a pleasurable alternative if intercourse seems clumsy and uncomfortable. However, you should avoid it if your husband has an open cold sore. That could be a sign that he has a type of herpes virus that could potentially be transmitted to you — and could cause birth defects in your unborn baby. This risk is low, but to be on the safe side, talk to your doctor if you’re concerned.

Q. I’ve heard that sex during the last weeks of pregnancy can speed up labor. True?
A. Yes and no. If you’re a few weeks away from your due date, sex won’t do much to induce labor. On the other hand, having intercourse when you’re overdue can speed things along because prostaglandins, hormone-like substances in semen, help soften and ripen your cervix to get it ready for delivery.

Q. I’m seven and a half months pregnant, and my tummy is huge. What’s the best position for intercourse?
A. The hottest position for the third trimester is on top of your partner. That way, you can control the depth of penetration. Or, if you want to really spice things up, try reversing this position by facing away from him while he’s sitting up and supporting your tummy. “That feels fantastic too,” Paget says.

Q. After we finish having sex, my baby seems to get quiet. What’s going on?
A. No worries! “The rocking motions you make during lovemaking can cause the fetus to go into a sleep cycle,” Dr. de la Torre says.

Nothing raises as many eyebrows as the subject of sex during pregnancy. Despite the old saying that medical and religious miracles aside, every pregnancy started with a sex act.
One thing that I would note is that sex and sexuality are very different, and that even if you are not having sexual intercourse, your sexuality can still be expressed.

Your sexual practices during pregnancy will depend on several factors:

•Your previous beliefs about sex
•Your Partner’s previous beliefs
•Physical aspects of your pregnancy
•Emotional aspects of your pregnancy
There are many reasons why sex during pregnancy can be more enjoyable, even if your are doing it less. There is an increase in vaginal lubrication, engorgement of the genital area helps some people become orgasmic for the first time or multi-orgasmic, the lack of birth control, or if you have been trying for awhile, a return to sex as pleasure as opposed to procreational, and other reasons.

On the other hand there are reasons why sex might not be as pleasurable: fear of hurting the baby, nausea, fatigue, awkwardness, etc.

Although these can be valid reasons, doing research and talking to your partner and practitioner can often help you clarify what is really inappropriate during pregnancy, particularly for you.

Change is rampant during pregnancy both in your body and your beliefs. While women may feel large and uncomfortable, men generally find the pregnant body very erotic and desirable. Talk about your differences and attitudes towards your body and sexuality.

Make sure that you discuss the feelings that you have about sex and sexuality. These discussions can lead to a more fulfilling sex life. If either of you do not feel like having sex, this can be particularly important. Explain to your partner what is going on and what they can do to help you be sexual. For example: more cuddling, relaxing baths, romantic dinners, massages, mutual masturbation, whatever you and your partner agree upon is exactly what you need.

The hormonal fluctuations of pregnancy also play a part in your reactions to making love, as do the trimesters. Many women are too fatigued and nauseated to be very interested during the first trimester, while the second trimester brings a new sense of delight as her abdomen grows, and again later in the third trimester the desire may wane as well.

“Hmmm…sex during pregnancy…during the first trimester, honestly, I think the sex was more..intimate…the sensations seemed heightened, despite the initial ‘Ohmigosh, are we going to hurt the baby?’ Now in the second trimester, it’s becoming a little more awkward, especially now that I’m showing. We’ve had to …ummm…well…adjust a little bit, position-wise…but the intimacy hasn’t changed,” says Dee.

Okay, so we know that there are wide variances in who is doing it and when, the big question (No pun intended.) is how?

Creativity should be your keyword during pregnancy. Or more bluntly put, whatever works! There are many positions that are more comfortable as you expand. These include:

•Woman on top
•Spooning (Man behind woman, rear entry)
•Hands and Knees
•Side lying, knee pulled up
What are men saying about sex during pregnancy? Most are pleasantly surprised.

Rich says “I haven’t noticed a real change in the sex…it was always awesome! The only real difference now is in the position! We’ve had to accommodate for a growing belly, and as a result we’ve had to explore a little…but it’s been fun exploring.”

When not to have sex and/or orgasms during pregnancy:

•Your practitioner has advised against it
•You have a history of premature birth or labor
•Placenta previa (Where part of the placenta is covering the cervix)
•Your water has broken
•Your are currently experiencing bleeding
•You or your partner has an active sexually transmitted disease
“Intercourse was banned after the positive pregnancy test, orgasm was banned at week 15, and ever since week 15 I have been very horny and unable to do anything about it until after the baby is born, which is making me nervous,” explains Alison. “The lack of sex really created a distance between me and my husband, and I am afraid we won’t get the magic back when there’s a newborn baby in the house.”

Postpartum sex is a whole other article. However, I will leave you with one thought:

“To me sex was a lot less enjoyable while we were pregnant,” remarks Tami. “But, the first time after the babies were born were always awesome! ”

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